Polishing off the rust

After attending many AA and NA meetings, meeting wonderful and some not so wonderful "addicts" and "alcoholics" and discussing their leads with them I was convinced that alcoholism is a very real and powerful disease. What I'm about to say is not meant to down play the seriousness of the effects of habitual drug and alcohol use but rather a different approach to the problem.

In the late 1970's and early 1980's physicians headed a crusade against alcohol and drug use claiming it as a disease with negative effects on the body. Which is true it does have negative effects on the mind and body, but is it a disease?

My theory is that drug abuse and excessive drinking are just symptoms of a different problem, not the source of the problem. Isn't the real problem depression which is actually another symptom of a problem specific to the person?

In the AA and NA meetings I attended they never addressed these issues. Instead they talked about how hard it was not to drink and use. Which I think is important to talk about with people that understand where you are coming from, but it seemed like it was far to easy to become "addicted" to the meetings and have it consume their whole identity. "I am an addict, I am an alcoholic" became all the meeting goers identified themselves with. How about "I am a father, I am an artist, I am an engineer, I am a mother that escaped my problems with alcohol and drugs".

Why weren't they trying to figure out what depressed them so they could fix that and then that should fill their need for the escape from reality they achieved from using drugs and alcohol?

Tragically Fun Weekends

So the last two weekends have been insanely up and down and unexpected.

Last weekend my friend Shannon was supposed to come into town to visit me, but then my roommate had a family emergency and it turns out I had started my classes a week earlier than I thought. So the weekend ended up being a bad weekend for her to come out. But then my roommate needed someone to ride along with her to her trip back to Pa and Bill had Law School things to do so I decided to go with her. She was traveling through Pittsburgh and my best friend Jes lives in Pittsburgh so I made a few calls and ended up in Pa spending the weekend with Jes and our friend (and her roommate) Sierra. We had such a good time just chilling out at their apartment and taking pictures in the park.

Then we decided to go out to eat at Hemingway's in Oakland and just have a fun night out. Jes called some friends from high school that lived in the area and I called the ones I knew that lived in the area and we ended up having a little high school reunion. It was awesome and I really needed the weekend with Jes to clear my head and put some things into perspective.
Some highlights of the night:
-bringing up h.s. reunions can be a touchy subject
-if you shave your head and you're over 25 it's obvious you're balding
-if a homeless man hides in your bushes don't even bother calling the cops because they probably wont show
-don't be pushy about elevator buttons or you might get shut in the door
-if you wear a black thong to walk your dog don't wear a white "dress"
- Jes always lives places with way too many steps

Then this weekend Dan and Mark were supposed to come visit but then Dan had a family emergency and couldn't come. So Billy and I went over to the art store to get some new hobbies. He picked up stone carving and I got into rubber stamp making. (Of course I made an anchor!)

Then today we headed over to the "little" street festival. "little" because it was twice as big as Applefest with way nicer stuff. It seemed like everywhere I looked someone was playing an instrument. We stopped at the Snow Lion which is a Tibetan place and Bill got a really good sweet chicken rice bowl for $2. There was so much food. Then we saw a swarm of balloons get let go into the air. Then we headed into what we thought was a skate shop, it turned out to be ANOTHER head shop. lol! But I did get a wall tapestry for $8.

All in all I've been having some tragically fun weekends.

(click pics to enlarge)

delayed gratification is a sign of maturity...

yeah not so much! BUT I did FINALLY find that red cardigan sweater I have been searching two years for. Oh it's so splendid and Mr. Rodgersish! I can not wait to wear it! I realized that waiting and searching for two years made this cardigan especially special to me and gave me a little more confidence that I needed in school. Yes those two things CAN relate in my head. I realized that even if I am way behind the game I can still stick to it and pull through and it's going to be so gratifying to me. I am quite the flaky one with commitment, but I really want this and my flakiness is always right in the front of my mind worrying me. So thank you little red cardigan sweater for showing me that sticking to my search for two years CAN pay off!

Also I redecorated my room and I love it! someday I might post pics of it on here. I'd rather you just came and saw it in person though.

Also I went to my school today to get my student ID and realized two things:
1. I am so very very very very happy that I am online and not in the class room!
2. Midgets should really be careful when walking down hallways, they could get ran over! (or tossed!!!!!!!!)
(yes that's an unPC joke, if you don't like it kindly hold in "alt" "and F4" at the same time, thanks.

Yeah random random random..my brain is firing blanks right now....

"Everything is already OK"

I just went back through my old blogs on myspace and found this one. I really like it so I'm posting it here too.

"Everything is already OK" - Stephen Cope

That along with one of my favorite quotes:

" Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved." - Marcus Antonius

And i sat back and I thought about these two things as I read some of the passages in the book. I had forgotten why I loved doing yoga so much. It wasn't the stretching or the classes or the teaching or the students. It was what the yoga masters were teaching me about how to preceive life and how to put mediation into my daily life and thinking.

I get caught up all the time. I try to fix everything all the time. I try to people please. I get caught up worrying about other people and their motives and their intentions. I get caught in a moment of feelings instead of realizing it's temporary and holding still in my mind until it passes. I forgot that reading and learning about yoga ideas and teachings has/is taught/teaching me some very valuable lessons.

Contentment, peace, understanding, ambition. I forget that I'm usually the road block in my way of everything. Usually everything is already alright and it's my over thinking that makes it not ok. If I just stop, and let it be, and let life be, and "live like I trust my higher power" I realize everything is already ok. ("Hint: The cage is unlocked")

I don't think I conveyed myself completely, but oh well. I'm remembering "it's not all about me". I'm remembering to live in the present and not the future and not the past. And not worry about what's going to happen and not try to make anything happen and just let it happen. I'm remembering to appriciate and embrace imperfections and enjoy working them out. I'm remembering to just "live for today".

sigh, life just keeps getting better, inside and out.

Can I sleep with you tonight Mom and Dad?

Last night I fell sound asleep peacefully in my bed beside my window. (See picture below)

I was awoken from my slumber at 3:00am by someone banging loudly on my window. Slightly disoriented and peeing myself I crawled out of bed and into Bill and Teeners room to tell them I heard something. (and to see if I could sleep on their floor). Luckily I could, next to the gun. We didn't hear anything else the rest of the night and when I finally got back to sleep I kept having nightmares that my room was haunted. But don't worry readers, this morning when I woke up Bill gave me a choice of three weapons to keep in my room beside my bed. My choice: Sai's. Yes that's right. On my rental list is Electra and luckily I'm a huge TMNT fan from back in the day and Raphael taught me well so I am ready.

I am almost excited for that caper to try to get in again so I can go Electra/Raphael on his butt.

Ok Da-ave but , can I call him Li-ink?

Ok so I've been informed I don't update my blog in a timely fashion. I wasn't even sure that anyone even read this. *ahem* due to the lack of comments, however, I will make up for my lack of posts by posting two today.

This one is full of links (speaking of, please direct your eyes to the right where you'll find some friends links to their blogs) and information about Bloomington.
First some random links you might enjoy that I've gathered from friends and family or just cruisin the information highway myself:

First a short Documentary that is highly interesting. And you thought YOU were lonely:
Guys and Dolls

Second a graffiti artist with a humorous and witty political message. The new pictures on my myspace page are his brainchildren.
Banksy

Don't have TV or just want to watch something that's not online without downloading it?
Better Than a Remote

If you haven't seen it yet it might be the one and only time reading Rolling Stone magazine might actually be interesting, however, even though this article is over sensationalized like every other one in the magazine you might see some faces you know if you are a regular hardcore scenester. I can't find the whole 8 page article online but this is what I could find.
Straight Edge gangs

Places to see and places to be:

Dagom Gaden Tensung Ling Monistary. Home of the Gelugpa Buddhist Monks. the only Monistary in the US. Free walk through tours. www.gaden.org

a little record shop owned by a touring band. supports local artists. (I forget the name)

Free tours of Oliver Winery ending with a taste test, which can obviously be passed up if you dont drink, beautiful grounds with a pond and picnic area

Wooded trails through the campus

Saturday morning Farmers market with live bands

Lake Monroe for swimming, boat rental, jet ski rental, pontoon boat rental with A WATER SLIDE!!!
entering the lake is $7 a car and rentals cost: $20 for canoe rental for 4 hrs, double decker pontoon with slide is $160 for 4 hrs, regular pontoon is $95 for 4 hrs, and the jet ski early bird special is $45 an hour

IU Art Museum open Tues - Sat, Free Admission, houses four gallaries including some Picassos and Monets. Changing exhibit is hosting a Veterans of Vietnam exhibit.

Wonderlab Science and Technology museum, charged admission, price unknown. open seven days a week www.wonderlab.org/

SOFA Fine arts Museum, Tues-Sat, free admission www.fa.indiana.edu/~sofa/

Kinsey Institute, M-F, Free Admission www.indiana.edu/~kinsey/

Farmers House Museum, M-F, Free admission www.bloomington.in.us/~farmerhm/

John Waldron Arts Museum, M-F, Free Admission www.artlives.org/

Arboretum, free admission, www.iub.edu/tour/cmps9.shtml

Drive In Theater, Call for details, 1-812-824-8036

Giffy Lake Natural Preserve, Moderately difficult trails line ridges and ravines around lake

Sept 1 and 2, Festival of Arts and Crafts 10am - 6pm Free

Sept 1, Jazz masters in the park 6pm

Malibu Grill has live musicians every Saturday night

Sept 2, Sarah's Swing Set, Bryan Park Concert, Free


Restaurants from many lands (excluding the American Fare places) (other restaurants in each ethnicity available)
(Every place serving vegan cuisine)

Anatolia
Mediterranean/Turkish Lunch $6.95-$11.95

Anysetsangs Little Tibet
Tibetan/Thai/Indian (owned by the XIV's Dalia Lama's brother) Lunch $5.95 Dinner $8.95-$9.95

Bloomingfoods
Organic/Vegan/Vegetarian (Sunday Brunch Vegan Buffet $? 10am-2pm)

Bombay House
Indian Dinner $9.95-$14.95

Cafe Django
International Pan-Asian Himalayan $5.95-$12.95

Cafe at Crepe
Creperie $2.95-$7.50

Casablanca Cafe
Moroccan/Mediterranean $9-$13

Dats
Cajun/Creole $5.50

Deangelos
Authentic Italian $6-$14

El Norteno
Mexican $2.49-$7.50

Esan Thai
Thai $6.95-14.95

Falafels Flavers from Jerusalem
Middle-Eastern $8.75-$17.95

The Irish Lion
Irish $12.95-$34.95

Japonee
Japanese $6-$15

King Gyros
Greek $2.99-$10

Laughing Planet
Vegan Fast Food $1-$4

The MAC
Mediterranean $3.50-$7

Roots
Vegan/Vegetarian Lunch $8 Dinner $10

Samiras
Afghanistan $11-$15

Turkuaz
Turkish $4+

There is so much more to see and do around here like ride your bike or walk through the square with hundreds of ma and pa stores and plenty of statues and waterfalls and walkways that are landscaped and beautiful...

Spectre

Maybe it's because I've finally lost my mind to studying math and stress from school, maybe it's because I just moved here, maybe it's because the students aren't back yet, or maybe the gypsies have put a spell on me, but either way Bloomington reminds me so much of Spectre from Big Fish.

The town is set up so that it is more convenient to ride your bike, walk, or take the bus than it is to have your own car. I love that! Especially since I dont have a my car anymore. I know most cities are set up kind of like that BUT this is a HUGE small town. Most things on the other side of town are too far to walk to. It's by no means small, BUT regularly I'll be biking or walking down the road and when I get to a stop light someone in the car in front of me will be yelling a convo to someone on the sidewalk. yesterday I overheard a convo that went like this:
man in truck: "Well we really appreciate you coming out!"
man on bench: "Yeah it was the first time I had seen your band play, it was really good!"
man in truck: "Thanks!! Hopefully we'll see you again!" *light turns green and they pull away*

There are bike lanes on most streets and that is so fun. I was too afraid to use them when I lived in Florida, they seem like a death trap. But here the cars are looking out for the bikers.

Teener and I went on a ride last night and it seems that a lot of places we go have shoes slung over the wires or in a tree on campus. No part of town is slummy or shady that I have encountered, it's just weird. I suppose it's because of the Frats (yes, I said Frat) and Sororities. ugh. Not looking forward to that crowd but I guess during rush they throw shoes up.

I started work at this ma and pa store downtown in the square called "Greetings". We sell tshirts and cards and Tibetan/Buddhist/Krishna items. I really like it so far, it's a very chill work environment.

I finally got signed up for classes at school too. I am taking 16 credit hours and they are all online. So now I can work whenever. Which is awesome. I have taken college classes online before and I did well in them, I think I prefer online to face-to-face.

We are still watching Scrubs everynight. I think we are in season four now. No many how many times I see it I never get sick of it!

and wouldn't it figure, I quit being a vegetarian last November and I move into a town where being a vegan is more normal and convenient than anything else. haha oh sweet irony.

Dont shrink me Gypsie Woman!

I made it to Bloomington! I love it here so far!

On our first day we went to the farmers market and it was like a mini applefest. There were bands playing in the square and they were playing banjos and flutes and guitars. it was pretty cool. The fruit and veggies were super cheap and Dan bought me a bouquet from a GYPSIE!!!!!!!!!!! "Dont shrink me gypsie woman!" There are hippies EVERYWHERE!

Then we ate lunch at this place called the cereal barn. they only sell cereal and pbj's. It was pretty awesome. You can pick toppings like granola for your sandwich and they'll mix it in your choice of jam and homemade pb. it was absolutely amazing and delicious! They give you a banana or an apple, your choice and a glass of chocolate or regular milk.

Everyone is FREAKISHLY nice too. super freakishly nice. You'll be walking down the street and if you make eye contact expect to have a conversation and be called 'friend' or 'buddy' and talked to like you've been friends for years.

This place encourages dumpster diving too. you can get all kinds of stuff in the dumpsters like our kitchen table. There are these bums that frequent our dumpsters and people leave them things in it. haha it's weird. yesterday we saw them scoring almost full bottles of liquor. Everyday that I go out I see people in our dumpster. I took a gander and all I found were some books on Reel Racism.

Then we went to the art museum, which is FREE!!!! and huge so we didn't make it through all of it but we went through two galleries. One was western art from 100 AD - 700 AD and they had some Picasso's in there. I couldn't believe that. Then we went to the changing exhibit. Right now they have Vietnam Veterans portraits and stories in it. They have pictures of the veterans and then their story as told by them beside it on a plaque. Surprisingly most of them are hilarious.

We ate at some vegan place too called roots. this place is soo vegan friendly. Most places have vegan options and I think it's because of all the hippies and all the Buddhists.

Then on the second day we went over to Lake Monroe. The lake is effin huge and is similar to two mile where you swim but without the iceburg and lifeguards and all that and it's not crowded at all. It was really fun and warm, surprisingly.

I noticed the women round here don't wear bras. I'm really not into this and it kinda freaks me out. We were sitting at breakfast the other day and this decently sized girl came in wearing a white shirt and no bra. I mean come on! At least wear a tank top under or something. They apparently don't wear deodorant or shave either. I think if you're in the food business you should do those things for hygiene. It's quite unappetizing to smell your waitress, see her boobs, and have her hairy leg rub against you. ad;lfkjadslk;jfdas;lf ahhhhhhh

Then that night we ate on Restaurant row at the Tibetan Restaurant that is owned by the XIV Dalai Lama's brother. The food is sooooo good and everything is vegan for the most part, again. I got something good. haha I can't pronounce it but it had bean noodles and tofu and jasmine rice. I tried their soup too, I think it was Cilantro Lentil soup but it freaked me out and I couldn't eat it. I was all excited for the Baklava but apparently they were closed for three weeks sending all their food to starving children and hadn't had a chance to restock the Baklava. SOOO disappointing. darn starving kids!

I've never seen so many dreadlocks and flowing dresses in my life. Most of the people in the town are around my age but even the older adults are long hairs. I stumbled into a store yesterday to cool down and turns out it was a head shop. haha go figure.

Well that's all for now. More to come later. In the meantime enjoy the graffiti that is everywhere and this preying mantis we found:

GET OUT OF THE CAR! GET OUT OF THE CAR!!!!

This weekend was awesome, and busy, but mostly awesome.
Mark, Dan, Kevin, Will and I went to Cedar Point on Saturday and it was such a good time. I love roller coasters.
Highlights of the trip:
-Dan's car catching on fire
-Kevin's dad walking nonchalantly out with the fire extinguisher
- Mark's dad telling us to aim low in life so we don't get disappointed and we wont disappoint others
- Chanting U-S-A U-S-A U-S-A on every ride and getting most of the other people in the car in on the chant
- riding the Gemini and the lady from Canada angrily chanting CAN-A-DA after one of our USA chants
- realdoll spiderman
- Blacking out on the millennium force roller coaster for most of the ride
- Tiffany and Jon behind us in line talking to us about needing a doobie and me busting out with "woooah shits blowin my mind"
- dancing in line
- all the novelty tshirts
- getting stuck under the waterfall on the water ride
-riding the worlds tallest and fastest roller coasters
-being with my friends for one last hoorah

"Shit's Ballin"

I don't even know what ballin means, but I like it.

So I have 8 days until my second tour, as my friends call it. I'm getting really excited for a fresh new start, college, living with Bill and Teener, my first apt, etc... However my sadness for leaving my friends is rising at the same rate. I really hope you really come visit me, or I'm going to kill you.

I've been spending my days helping my grandma clean one of her houses. We came across some pictures my great grandma used to keep on the wall. they are too cute. (click to enlarge)

I miss when everyone was home and we had fourth of July picnics with fireworks and made home videos, etc...

My farewell party is on Friday, I hope to see you there.

Then it's Cedar Point on Saturday. To be honest I'm a little nervous of going considering all the rollercoaster/amusement park accidents this summer. They even had one at Cedar Point and they closed down the Magnum. READ ALL ABOUT IT!

I hope to have some new pictures from the farewell party and Cedar Point on their way....

Until then go watch weekend at Bernies and weekend at bernies two.